~Enablers~Who do They Think They Are?~~

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How often does it happen to us?
We think we finally meet someone that might give us a break
only to find ourselves under the clutches of an enabler?
Weather in a friendship, a relationship, or in business
there is always a chance that we get duped.

What is an enabler? You ask.
Some one who will do anything to keep us close to them.
While slowly sucking all the dignity and self respect out of us without any consequences.
Someone who is pretending to be on our side, to help us and be our friend.

All the while deep inside their hearts, they resent us.
They have nothing but hatred and contempt towards us.
Some of us might know it,  yet are weak and unable to detach from it.
We feel helpless and tied down.
Powerless to untangle ourselves from that web of lies.

Enablers love to praise themselves.
Not only how fantastic they are, but convince us how fortunate we are
to be part of their pathetic insignificant lives.
Without them, we are useless.
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There are many ways that unknowingly and unwillingly
we get trapped in such an unhealthy relationship.
Mostly it comes from our own need to be pleased.
They smell it they feel it and like leaches they crawl under our skin.

Often an enabler stumbles upon us by chance or need.
No one is on the lookout to get used and ridiculed.
These are chance encounters that is part of our Karma.
*Our meant to be*
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They use us in any capacity they can to redeem themselves as heroes.
What we don’t realize, is that they need us far more than we need them.
We are far more superior and useful, we are more intelligent and creative.
The only way they can survive their own weakness
is by belittling us while raising themselves on a pedestal.
We feed their pathetic egos.
Like Vampires, they replenish  their soul by sucking our energy.
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How can we spot an enabler?

Do we know we are under the clutches of one?
How do we liberate ourselves from them, guilt free?
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An enabler looks for ways to keep us close,
yet far enough not to steel their spotlight.
They have an inexplicable power over us that keeps us from straying.
Most important, they do their best to keep us away and safely hidden from others.
They have friends and lives of their own
but never on our time.
It’s mostly happening between the two of us.
They don’t allow us to express our feelings and let us evolve.
They fear we’ll realize their true intent, and ultimately desert them.
They talk fast and most of the time it’s about themselves.
They know everything better and will try by any means to dishonor us.
They pray on the weak and vulnerable.
On people who have a dependency issue.
The need of enabling others, is a product that comes from self loathing and jealousy.
From insecurity and deep need for acceptance.
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Somehow they are both connected.
If we allow ourselves be enabled, its a sign of dependance and weakness on our side.
It’s a given.
Otherwise why would we accept such destructive people to dictate our lives.
The method an enabler uses is buy trapping us and dwelling on what we desire most.
Can be with food,  promises of love, or anything that they know is our weakness.
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My need to leave a meaningful legacy,  is what keeps me motivated and determined.
It’s obvious that I can’t do it alone .
Without a huge amount of money,
  it’s hard to get things moving.
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Once in a while I get what I believe is a break.
In my eagerness to advance, I don’t bother to look into who I am so eagerly
entangling myself with.
I had run into quite a few of those in my path.
But I never stuck around long enough to be effected by them.
As  my self esteem, however low it may be at the time,
I’m strong and proud enough to let them know,
I’m not staying in that
unhealthy self destructive circumstance.
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Here are a few enablers that crossed my path.
And this is how I managed to free myself from them.
Yes I payed for my eagerness, but well worth it in the end.
It gave me a better prospective on how to assess the so called
Well wishers.


This is where I needed to learned to be vigilant and realize that money does not buy me self respect.
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Weak people often have great pleasure in giving expensive gifts,
money,  run errands,
and go out of their way to please the enabler
.
In return the enabler finds faults in everything we do .
But can we ever please them?
The answer is obvious.
Yet we are so eager to please them

that we latch on to them, just to get their approval.
That’s how they keep us close, by putting us down and demanding more out of us.
Throwing little crumbs of whatever we desire and keep us on a short leash.
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My last experience with one, prompted me to dig into my own character
It helped me  find out, why I attract such people.
It’s a given that we can’t do it alone.
*It*
A tiny word with such powerful subtitles.
Live
Love
Expand
Procreate
We need IT, in business, in wellness,  in every aspect of our existence.
By It, I mean others.
How can we surrender our trust and lively-hood in the hands of others,
when all around us we are bombarded by negativity and self serving enablers.
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15 years ago I started a freelance service of designing and patter making.
One of my very loyal clients approached me a few months ago with a proposition of
Helping her with some part time work she was in dyer need of.
I saw it as an opportunity to get my foot in the door and get my T shirts printed.
In return for the work I did.
I never had the opportunity to know this person well.
I agreed to take the challenge.
Needless to say, nothing I did was good, and nothing I said was right.
This woman possesses so much anger inside her it bewildered me how any one can be around her.
After realizing she was as useless to me, as she thought I needed her.
I decided to pull the plug her so called favor.
It became clear to me that she was in fear of me.
I am after all smarter, more talented and above all
every one in the establishment liked me.
That’s a definite no no in the world of enabling.
She managed to manipulate and keep me away from the owner of the company.
By making false promises concerning my T shirts, I realized that it was going nowhere.
Over a month passed and nothing was getting done.
The more time I spend in her presence the less I found myself able to absorb it.
I jumped through every hoop, tried my best to keep my composure around her in the hope that
*It* will see the light of day.
Meantime as my patience were running thin, my contempt was getting stronger.
But my need for these T shirts are more powerful than ever.
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I realized that I might lose my chance of ever getting my Ts done
But kneeling to her was stripping me of every self respect and dignity I had.
Even though through her, I made this connection
I couldn’t hear of  it every day, without wanting to stab her.
After a very ugly and demeaning meeting yesterday,
I weighed my options and I decided that going directly to the source of the company
is my only chance .
That meant ‘stepping on her face 😉 to get what I worked so hard for.
I reached out to her boss and asked him what I need to do to put my order through.

It was a lot simpler than I thought
“Send the order in and expect 4-6 weeks delivery.”
I waited over a month listening to her bullshit without any results.
I can wait another two months and not put up with her threats and disrespect.
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I took it upon myself to end it my way, without hearing her threaten and belittle me again.
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I got behind the typewriter and configured a letter that was short and to the point.
It’s important not to burn bridges..
I have a fowl mouth and I can take it to a very low level.
But why go down that road?
Staying respectful and classy only convinces them we are superior and better than they are
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Friday, May 09,2014 3:19 pm
Hi Fran.
I took some time to re-think our venture and I realize that I am unable to work with you.
I feel like a yo yo back and forth and nothing gets done except getting more frustrated and humiliated on top of which I lost a lot of clients and ultimately money.
I understand that you have priorities and I have to wait,
but back and forth for no reason at all is not a way to treat someone..
You tell me stories and I have enough sense to know I’m being bullied.
The T shirts you made are useless,
they have no stretch and I can’t give them away they don’t fit anyone.
I will bring them back and pick up all my things and call it a day.
You don’t need to pay me, I will not except any money from you..
Since the deal fell through I will chuck it up to a bad experience.
Sorry but it is what it is.
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Once she realized that I don’t need her,  she called me till all hours.
I refused to pick up the phone. I couldn’t listen to her threats and her useless blabbing .

Give yourself a chance to listen to your needs
To understand
That it’s ok to speak your mind..
We are not puppets nor are we obliged to take the abuse.
After all
Who do they think they are? 😉
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PART 2
I like to make one thing very clear.
An enabler doesn’t take rejection very well.

Upon sending my Dear John letter.
Last Friday, I’m ready to go to plan B.
Take the owners advice and go through the protocol.
Direct from the president
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Friday, May 09, 2014 12:27
Lucia,
Thank you for your email.
I can tell you there is no interference on your order.
The artwork requirements are dictated by the art dept not fran.
The best way to have your order processed is to send in a PO.
Right now I am very spread thin so going into another venture is just not possible, but I thank you for the offer.
Once you let me know the # of designs and qty of each design I will be able to provide you with a price to make them.
Thanks and Shabbat Shalom
David

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She tried numerous times to contact me.
The idea of listing to her rambling is more than I can handle.
I had no more reason to speak to her.
I am through
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Today (Monday) morning, I get two phone calls from her.
First one started at 8 am followed by one at 9 am
Sorry lady too fuck’n early to put up with your mouth.

At 11pm I go though my emails
These two diddies in my email.
She fuck’n dissected, and RED color coded, her fuck’n comments
of my dear John letter!
I want to jump out my window.
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Monday, May 12, 2014 
8:01 am

I took some time to re-think our venture and I realize that I am unable to work with you.Sorry you feel that way!As I explained to you, when you first arrived – you were so excited about your children’s venture and wanted to develop T-shirts for parties, stickers for calendars, and you were working on cookies and b-day cakes , this is how I introduced your needs to my company– then overnight it jumped to the leather me over tank tops, and they were needed rush.
I feel like a yo yo back and forth and nothing gets done except getting more frustrated and humiliated on top of which I lost a lot of clients and ultimately money.The deal was always, if you have a client, you go! I was clear on that from the beginning, and when you had to leave, the few times you got calls, I urged you to go.

I understand that you have priorities and I have to wait, but back and forth for no reason at all is nota way to treat someone.. You tell me stories and I have enough sense to know I’m being bullied.Back and forth for something that is your dream shouldn’t have been a problem, I did not have the graded set of your tank top, so I could not possibly get it to the Grader/Digitiser. Bringing in your leather appliques was necessary in order to match color. Being bullied – if trying to keep you focused and on point was sometimes harsh – then I apologize.

I know you are trying your best but your way of treating me and talking down to me is not worth my aggravation and my self respect..I do not know how many times I was interrupted while trying to explain our process with you, you have no attention span by your own admission. You hear a little, then you move onto another topic all together, and the initial discussion never gets concluded or resolved, and YES this IS very frustrating for me, as I am trying to get a division running in a timely manner.

The T shirts you made are useless, they have no stretch and I can’t give them away they don’t fit anyone.YOU made the pattern and developed your own fit, I offered you my graded set of youth, but YOU wanted your dolman sleeve cut. YOU also picked the fabric and you also provided the print. YOU also insisted on the ONE size you provided.You also told me you went to a walk in Montreal to promote your business, and gave away t-shirts that I thought were being used for your B-Day party venture.
I will bring them back and pick up all my things and call it a day.The T-shirts are yours and were from the beginning. Although they were only the one size, we both thought they looked cute when finished – I remember the hug and kiss you gave me. If you thought they were no good you should have spoke up then.
You don’t need to pay me, I will not except any money from you..Since the deal fell through I will chuck it up to a bad experience.Sorry but it is what it is.Once again Lucy I am sorry you feel that way, I am willing to help you in this leather me over venture and so is Sarah. We just need to work in an organized manner and have a bit of patience. I want to see this work for you and feel we can produce a nice product together.

To be honest I didn’t even bother to read it.
Too complicated for my brain so early in the morning.
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Second email

Monday, May 12, 2014  901 am
Hi Lucy,
Sarah was just in my office –
do you want her to start scanning or not – please let us know.
I know she’s Lying I KNOW IT.
How do I know?  you ask,
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This is how they trap us back in
By bullshitting .
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I decided to call her back and let you all see and understand
what an enabler has the power to attain.
Be vigilant and through all their mumbling, read between the lines.

A few items were missing to be scanned, which I brought by last Friday.
I left them on Sarah’s key board.
In our conversation she refereed to the items that I would have to bring them in.
If Sarah was there, NO way she could have missed them.
This is how I know she’s lying.
They try to make us look and feel stupid.
They justify and apologize even though they have no idea what for.
Just to keep us in the trap.
All I know is that I want my T shirts done stress free.

The only way to get them done is
follow the protocol.
And so be it. 😉
Send in my order and wait my turn.
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Listen to an enabler at work.

The conversation started with a bang!

Note how fast she talks and how she changes the subject throughout the conversation.
Note how my fuck’n nose started to twitch like a crazy person.
This is the kind of reaction the enables has on us.
All I want is a few samples, and she turned it into a PROTOCOL class.
If I allow her to treat me that way, she’ll get away with it.

The idea is to let them know we are not depending on them
and not put up with their aggressiveness.
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The conclusion of this half hour blabbing is that she will defiantly help me.
As soon as my art is done, she’ll call me and print one sample for approval.
I don’t trust her.
I am preparing the art work on a DVD and put in a request for my samples.
To be made within the 4-6 week waiting period.

If she’ll come through remains to be seen.
Meantime I do what “I” have to do.

Keep you posted 😉

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