~~~ How Happy is Your Anniversary ? ~~~


 June first 2014, my parents celebrated their wedding anniversary.
Not sure if I can call this a celebration.
More like a miracle.


After 62 years of marriage, my father had enough balls to tell my mother that she ruined his life.
Of course she didn’t take it very well.
Nothing that does’nt include a compliment or a phrasal sits well with  her.

The sad truth is that he is right.
I my eyes they were the most mismatched couple in the history of couple-hood.
They were my example of what a bad marriage was.
Seeing it all, developing in front of my eyes, all my life.

The yelling, the put downs, the beatings, the begging.
That look of hatred and resentment sends chills down my spine
It derailed me from what real love and commitment should be.
All I knew is that if anyone feels such hatred and contempt towards me and vice verse,
I rather be eaten by snakes and crocodiles than live in that kind of environment.
Yet they did, and still do.

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This picture is hidden in my cabinet.
It was given to me by my mother a few years ago.
Placed in a 99 cent gold frame.

When they met she was 19 he was 22.
In Europe life  was tough after the war.
They needed each other for moral support.
He lost his mother at the age of 18,
She grew up without her father who deserted her as an infant.
These are scars that are very hard to heal
From what I understand
this was a marriage of love on his part.
Convenience on hers.
Nothing worse in a relationship than clinging and needing.
A person that clings, will do anything it takes to hold on to someone.
All the while draining every self respect and dignity out of them.

“How can he say I ruined his life?
If it wasn’t for me, he would not have had half of what he has now.”

Yes he has money in the bank, because YOU liked to save.
Yes he traveled all over the world, because it was what YOU liked to do.
Yes he went to operas and
museums, because it was what YOU liked to do.
You partied with all YOUR friends, alienating him from every one that HE liked.
You washed and ironed you cooked and cleaned.
You did your duty as a wife without understanding that LOVE is part of the equation.
I never saw you hug or show any sign of affection toward this man.
But every discontent and flaw was clearly mentioned.
No matter where they are or who they are with,
My mom always makes sure to let him know how wrong he is.
Why take him with you if you are so miserable around him?

He was dragged to every function weather he liked it or not.
Yet, she never thanked HIM for what he did for HER.
All I heard is that everything this man did, was never good enough.
Always on his back  constantly criticized and never appreciated.
He worked and faithfully handed over his paycheck,
while she frowned that it was never enough.
No one stopped her from succeeding but her insecurities and self loathing.
No reason to blame someone else for your failures.
Being the only child, I hear it from both sides.
Not sure, but even though he was very abusive both verbally and physically towards me,
Can’t help but understand hat it was all due to pain and frustration.
I was the punching bag.
I knew he loved us both, but my mother can’t bare sharing.
It’s all her, and no one else.
I feel sad for her.
She had love and she had commitment from both of us
yet she chose to show nothing but hatred and resentment.
No man should endure such degradation from a woman.
No woman should have the goal to diminish a man’s will to live.
I remember he was always contemplating suicide.
My first memory was at 6 years old when he tried to hang himself.
How much can a person take without braking..

No woman is worth that much pain.
She’s now paying for it big time.
For all the years he put up with her.
Sat by her bed side while complaining of never ending pain.
Faithfully came home every night only to face nothing but bitching and discontent.
All he has now, is very clean house and a shit load of bad memories.
Living with hatred and resentment all our lives, leads to chronic illnesses.
Looking at my parents today, I realized that happiness is very much Karma related.
What reason do I have to make my life story an open book?
It’s my way to show how I figured out where all my pain and confusion came from.
Accepting my faith, is the way I learned to heal and move on.
Guilt free.

Moral of this story


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