~~Happily Ever After, What?~~

IMG_6733As a survey I asked different people, of different ages and sexes,
what is their idea of  “Happily ever after”.

 Each and every one, included a partnership.  A love story, a vision of a fairytale
One that has all the elements of a dream more than a reality. Hence the word happy.
.We are conditioned to receive happiness from another person.
This is why so many couples stay together.
Women in particular stay, in hope of rekindling their first date..
In bringing that happily ever after to fruition by digging into the past.
How unrealistic is that?
Love and happily ever after do coexists, but does it come in pairs?
No one said ‘I want to have piece of mind, I want to learn to evolve.
To understand myself enough.
To be enough for myself”.

Love is an emotion that can’t be controlled nor can it be forced upon..
Happiness comes from within.
What makes us happy and complete determines how we get to live our ‘ever after’
Living with a man was the only way I believed I would be happy.
The only way I would be accepted in society.
A man was my only salvation, my ‘happily ever after..
Yet I was miserable.
I never felt less accomplished and useless to myself, than when reaching for my happiness.
I never understood myself enough to attain my needs.
It was always about the other person, my future, my meant to be..
What I didn’t know, is the first person I need to please is myself..
How can I be good to someone else if I treat myself so badly..
Overweight, fearful of never doing enough, and most of all very unhappy..

After all, what will I be without a man to make my life a living hell..
Gearing all my attention to the wrong things in my life,
was a life long conditioning that came from my upbringing.
I was pushed to be married.
Never learned what a man should offer in return for my love..
I believed the harder I would try the more he would love me.
I was living my father’s life..He is trying so hard to get my mother’s approval..
She never did and never will, until the day she dies..
Looking at it as a side line I realized how dysfunctional it is.
I needed to alienate myself from it.
It seemed that I was both my mother and my father in one person.
From one side I was begging and the other I was criticizing.
Why do I need to change this person?
Why do I need to criticize him, at the same time cook him a 6 course meal every night.
He never cared what I fed him as long as it was eatable.
I hated him and I hated my life.
I hated that every night I wished to close my eyes and die  in my sleep.

In essence I was wishing for my happily ever after.
How crazy it sounds now. How incredibly ignorant of me.
But who was there to teach me better..Read books? Perhaps, but I don’t read,
I have no attention span. I can’t  remember two words put together, let alone an entire book..
The only thing I knew for sure,  every where I look I see miserable couples.
Staying together yet, suffering, while hate and resentment
is growing inside them at an alarming speed..
I see frowns and aggression. I see negativity and pessimism.
I see denial and selfishness.
I see no happy NOW, how can I expect happy ever AFTER?
In 2001 I decided to put an end to that suffering,
I asked my husband to move out
Still, I kept searching for that perfect man that I can worship and hate at the same time.
I found him!…I found the exact person that I was so eagerly waiting to meet..
A Divorced father of 5.. How expensive and spot on was that?
I love kids, I love cooking, I love giving gifts.
The combination worked perfectly…For him..
During our three year relationship,
I hated him every day
except for the one hour a week he would pay attention to me.

Six and a half years ago was our last time as a couple..
I strongly believe that every relationship should teach us about ourselves.
How much we can tolerate,  and what we take as experience from them.
Ending as bitter enemies doesn’t contribute to our Happily ever after..
It only pulls us back into yesterday

Here is my new take on

I  asked myself the most important question.
“After what?”
After all I have no idea how long I have on this planet.

How can I plan for later.
And when is ever-after?
I’m not referring to money in the bank.
This is my ‘INNER HAPPY’ I’m planing.
*What gives me piece of mind and security?
Where is it written that I must have someone to complete the ‘ever after’?

For myself  there is only NOW..
It’s all I need to concern myself with.
My life has drama and uncertainties like every one.
If I would tell you different than I’m lying big time.
I an not a TV commercial selling you false Happily ever after.
Everything we live through is our meant to be..
The only way to survive, is to live reality, not through a crystal ball.
A false sense of happy is when getting a pair of shoes at a great price,
but the sad part is I have no place to wear them.
So why make myself unhappy, I simply do something that gives me a sense of self fulfillment.
I donate it to someone that needs it more than I do.
That make me happy for now.

My father always told me that I need man to take care of me..
Any one out there is willing to take that on?
That pressure has been lifted off my back the day I realized how miserable his happily ever after turned out to be..
He is now 83…. I asked him ‘Were you ever happy?”
His response “I don’t know what happy means”
Question for the readers.

What is your vision of happily ever after?

2013-09-24 08-40-54.553