~~ Avoiding Mental Rape ~~

I lived it
I know how it feels and I’m here to advise  you,
Involvement of any kind with someone that plays with your mind,
Is rape!
If you must play this game, be smart about it
Cyber love is ‘Mental rape’.
Over and Over and over.
We must get out of it.
Ask yourself
“How does money buy me his love?”

Love, should make a man do crazy things!
He’ll know what to give us
He’ll make every effort to meet us, touch us.
A stranger’s voice in our ear does not make it a love affair.
It’s Mental rape.
Know it!!~ Understand it!~ Most Important ~
*Accept it*

We need to keep occupied with things we love, and stop dreaming..It’s not healthy for the mind!
Hunters  find ways to hit and trap on vulnerability.
We allow them to prey on our weakness..
Why be weak?, Why be vulnerable?
No one has the right to mock us, yet we gave them the opportunity.

I can see how intelligent, successful women, are falling for these charmers..It’s easy to do so.
Most women believe there is good in this world, although they are wise enough to know better.
But do they?

Staying glued to the internet, waiting for that email, text, or for that phone call, to make us feel wanted,
is a deep brain wash that can be easily cured, if only we realize that we are being scammed.
That’s where the delete button can come in handy..

If he wants me he’ll show up at my door, or he’ll pay for his plane ticket from his pocket.

It makes simple sense, but the need to believe we are special to them is so powerful
that we have a hard time accepting the reality..
‘We are not their happily ever after’.

I never gave a man money. I barely had enough for me and my son.
Even though I knew a loser when I spotted one, I still wanted to believe that I am special.
I did fall prey to a few charmers who took me on some heavy emotional rides.

Every time a man would brake a date or give me a story, I would swear to forget him,
yet when that email comes, I get excited and forget all the shit he put me through..
Here is the number one excuse, I’m sure most of us heard.
“I’m going out of town”.
Sure you are!~ I met men that couldn’t afford a cup of coffee, but were busy flying all over the world.

Here is my most resent story.
I would like to introduce you to Eric.
Eric started out as a client. He came to see me three years ago with a debilitating back pain.
Few months went by, I started receiving strange emails from him. How r u? ~~Sleeping?~~ What r u up to?
Little hints that made me believe that he was a bit too obsessed with me..But why?.
I had no idea, but it was very flattering and very uplifting.
Can’t say I didn’t like the attention.
He is young, he is beautiful, super intelligent and very eloquent,
As time went by, I realized my attraction towards him was not physical.
I had no desire to sleep with him.
He is way too young, and I didn’t think it was appropriate.
At the same time I was discovering how calculated and destructive  he was..
At this point I became intrigued with his evil side.
After a lot of soul searching, taking poles ‘Should I or shouldn’t I’.
It was anonymous, he is way over 18 and whatever happens let it happen and forget it ever did..
Great philosophy if we can accept it for what it is..
As the games and deceits progressed I finally asked him “what was he after”?.
His response,  he has a girlfriend for many years and although he loves her,
she is not giving him the serenity and wisdom he lacks.
The truth is we have a lot in commune and was not a factor for him
I had a hard time understanding  why my head is wrapped around this,
How I ended up in such a predicament?

The truth be known, I fell for this lad like a fly on shit.
Although I never let him know it, he knew, and used it to play with my head.
My eyes would light up every time an email wold come.
Even if I had no intention of seeing him I loved communicating with him.
I would spend days away from my writing and just back and forth all king of useless emails.
He got me out of my boring norm.
Months went by, before I knew it, I wasted three years of my life thinking about this useless situation.
I knew nothing was going to come out of it, that much commune sense I had,
but how do I get out of it, was my biggest challenge.
I would find myself waiting up at 2 am for this lowlife to show up..
After hours of  back and forth on email, he would abruptly  vanish.
I finally got it!.
I am in control of my actions, not his.

Our last encounter a month ago, I realized I had enough of this game and decided to get off this ride.
I kept all his emails, and I was looking for the trick that kept me brainwash for such a long time
Once I saw the pattern, I realized that I was hooked.

At 11:30 pm (his usual time to strike), the first email.
This is copied and pasted as it went on~No spell check~
He no longer had the need to be eloquent.
Eric ~~~ Awake?
ME ~~~~  nope
E ~~~~~~Ok good nigt then
Me ~~~~where r u
E ~~~~~Corner of cote vertu n decarie
Me ~~~~ what r u doing there
E ~~~~~In my friends car hes droppong me home. Im a lil drunk
Me ~~~~~me too ( I had a beer)
E ~~~~~ Can u pick me up. We rent a motel room. Nice big shower.
Bring the condoms. And something I can use to tie u to the bed.
Me ~~~~ great imagination!
E ~~~~~ Shall we make it reality?
Me ~~~~~ why hotel?
E ~~~~~ Cause u refuse to play in your shower.
And you told me once you are more relaxed and open there.
I figured we are both tipsy. I’m in a great mood and want to learn a few things bout u.
No stress no headaches no talking. Fun fun fun. Simple
Me ~~~~~ come over
E ~~~~~I cant drive
Me ~~~~~ur friend, take a cab
E ~~~~~Mu friend is gone. Amd truthfully for the cab I have no cash on me.
Unless you want to come down and pay the dude.
Sorry. I know m makinf it hard. But right mownim worth it
Me ~~~~~ I’ll pay no prob.
E ~~~~~ Serious?
Me ~~~~~ yup
E ~~~~~ And the way home 🙁  (Who was going to pay for the hotel)?
Me ~~~~~ Too many questions. Don’t worry I’ll make sure you get back
E ~~~~~ Im jusy sobering up a bit and coming..I might take my car give me a few min
Me ~~~~~K
It was almost 3 am and he was still emailing, This was the pattern.

At this point I shut the computer and went to sleep..I knew where this was going.

Next morning I get in the mail
E ~~~~~ Van u drive
E ~~~~~ Ok no amswer..guess ur off to be…well night.

Now its time for me to get off this ride.  Yes I am productive and I do work,
but being home all day is not helping me to get away from this circumstance, unless I delete him from my emailing list.
Question is am I strong enough to do so..I’ll keep it for a while.

Last Tuesday this email came from him,
I left mtl sunday and came back last night at midnight. I went to vegas
. My body hurts my head hurts. Everything hurts. Feel like giving me a massage?”
I’m thinking to myself :
My dad is in the hospital with a stroke, my mother is alone and needs eye surgery,
and I’m having a very hard time getting my business off the ground, thanks to young irresponsible idiots like you”.
Is this the time to even give him a second thought?
He has a very persuasive way to ask, never to offer..Unless it suited him.
No I didn’t respond .
“He claims to be broke (No money for a cab), so where does Vegas come into play?”
Why did I put myself through this torture?
I have no idea.
I am using this experience to shed some light into this painful practice us women are going through.
I love this boy in a very unconventional way. I know him well and I understand him.
I also understand we are in this for a reason.
It’s our karma at work.

 I’m now ready to give him up for my own sanity.
Part of me wanted to spend an evening with someone.
I don’t go out much and I have no close friends in these neck of the woods..
I wasn’t looking to get serious with anyone, but once in a while I like to have some fun.
Part of me wishes he’ll get back, at the same time want to test myself if I can ignore his emails,
And for how long.

Most of us older women married young, lived most our lives with someone we met in high-school
and never really had the opportunity to know anything ales..
For whatever reason, we end up alone and lost..
Our children leave, and we need to fill that void by actively searching for a companion.
The difference between a companion and a codependent is like day and night.IMG_7315

Play me
Take care of Yourself

2013-09-24 08-40-54.553